Equus

Morning weigh-in (Wednesday): 165#, 9% BF

Morning weigh-in (Thursday): 164#, 10% BF

 

Fiddler's Elbow 2008: 0-0-1 Hit the gym Tuesday night, but got in a hot lap on the road bike first. Eighteen miles in 1:08 for a 16 mph average, which is good but not rocketboy fast, except that my route took me up Fiddler's Elbow Rd, reputed to be the steepest road in New Jersey. It's a long winding climb with what can only be described as "a wall" at the top, maybe a quarter mile long just below the crest. Winning is riding the whole thing bottom to top, losing is being forced to walk, and I count it as a "tie" if I ride the while thing, but am forced to stop for a break: Tuesday night, first attempt of the season, was a tie. Standard endurance workout after that, then dinner at Which Brew -- I was calculating last night and, what with their May closing, and my upcoming vacations and so on, that might have been one of my last times in there -- there will almost certainly be no more WB weekends.

 

Survivor's Guilt: Have You Ever Been Down? I was thinking about that girl Rachael on Tuesday, haven't seen her alive in maybe 10 years. (She passed away in September of 2000, and for all intents and purposes it was an act of self-destruction.) I haven't thought of her in quite a while, but ran across her obituary the other day when I was cleaning my old office.

 

I remember Joe, deep into his "social phobia" phase, calling me up and asking me to go with him to her funeral -- his sisters, and the rest of his family too, were very close to her, as was his ex-girlfriend, and he couldn't face them by himself. It had been maybe two years before that, that she threw herself at me, all drunk at Mountain Bike Weekend, and I rejected her -- and I do not mean "failed to bust a move" here, it was a smackdown. I remember at the time being all "don't hold hands with a jumper," but I think now it was just a selfish act of cowardice.

Melodrama, megalomania, whatever, but sometimes I get to thinking about what-if's and might-have-been's, like what if things could have been made to work out, maybe AA or whatever, I don't know, and maybe she would have lived -- but I choked, and blew my big chance for happiness despite the heartache & sacrifice that would have come with it, and killed her in the bargain. Anyway, thoughts like that kept me up most of Tuesday night, and yesterday morning I went to work exhausted.

Whatever, it's off my chest. Some days you're Ray, and some days you're Roast Beef. The theme for last night's yoga class was "letting go," by the way.

Beating The Blues with A New Pair Of Shoes: Despite being tired, I ran yesterday morning, my standard two miles at a mellow pace. That made two days in a row, since I also ran Tuesday morning. Last night I passed out after yoga and overslept this morning, but it's OK because today I'm running at the gym before doing an alterna-workout, leaving here as soon as laundry's done and I can put a new load into the washing machine. I'll be packing tonight for Moab after all the laundry's dried.

I am basically out of here tomorrow night, so I promise one more post at least, maybe something a bit more upbeat. Meantime, I posted my Easter dinner pics over at flickr. Enjoy!